This song's been stuck in my head...

For a LONG time now. I'm going to see if writing it here's going to work. It's called Artist in the Ambulance, and it's by Thrice. Good song...

Late night, brakes lock, hear the tires squeal,
Red light, can't stop, so I spin the wheel,
My world goes black before I
Feel an angel lift me up
And I open bloodshot eyes
Into fluorescent white,
They hit the siren, flip the lights,
Close the doors and I am gone.

Now I lay here owing my life to a stranger and I realize
That empty words are not enough
I'm left here with the question of
Just what do I have to show except
The promises I've never kept?
I lay here shaking on this bed
Under the weight of my regrets

I hope that I will never let you down
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.

Look around and you see at times it
Feels like no one really cares.
It gets me down but I'm still gonna try to do what's right,
I know that there's a difference between sleight of hand,
And giving everything you have.
There's a line drawn in the sand,
I'm working up the will to cross it and

I hope that I will never let you down
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.

Rhetoric can't raise the dead,
I'm sick of talking when there's no change.
Rhetoric can't raise the dead,
I'm sick of empty words. Let's lead, not follow.

Late night brakes lock hear the tires squeal
Red light can't stop so I spin the wheel,
My world goes black before I
Feel an angel steal me from the
Greedy jaws of death and chance
And pulling me in with steady hands
They've given me a second chance
The artist in the ambulance

I hope that I will never let you down
I know that this can be more than just flashing lights and sound.

Can we pick you off the ground?
More than flashing lights and sounds.

woohoo I LOVE THE SPICE GIRLS !!!!!

HEY everyone what's up?? not much exciting stuff is happening here except that i went running again today for the first time in 3 months! since i hadn't done it in a long time i had to stretch for 30 minutes both before and after and it took a long time but it felt SO so so so good :D then i came back and my hands and nose were numb (i didn't know it was 20 degrees until i came back! it seriously felt like 50 something today) but then i took a nice bath in the chocolate bubble bath stuff that M.E. gave me from the secret santa thing and it was AMAZING! =)

oh and this is important, to CHERRY (PARK!!! hahahahahaha) you are already on the cty cherubs account, so you can send yourself an invite and you can send hi one and me too if you can because i can't comment anymore either. it should be in one of the tabs up there, you are the only one who knows the CTY cherubs username / password so you are the only one who can invite anybody. =)

also we had another school dance last friday and that was lots and lots of fun. =) originally i was going to go skiing but then skiing got canceled because of a frostbite warning so i went to the dance instead, and it was FUN! i already mentioned that hehehehe okay i am becoming unoriginal.. oh no too bad! anyway, i am starting to seriously slack off in.. everything i guess! because my dad semi-gave me one of his laptops (it is mine except for when he goes on business trips or whatever which isn't too often) so now instead of doing piano or cello or chinese or reading or anything i just IM or (ok don't laugh) go on NEOPETS (they have good games okay?? lol) which is absolutely pathetic in my opinion, but i can't stop! it is really hard. i think i'm going to give the laptop back sometime soon. otherwise i want to quit cello but i'm not sure about that yet. anyway i think i'm getting confusing, SO,

ummm i guess that's all that i can type about now. life hasn't been particularly exciting although i am becoming happier than from the last time i posted. OH and to add on to rae's song list, i really really like "landslide" by stevie nicks (the live version) right now. it is very soothing and the lyrics are wonderful. =) plus "more than words" by extreme (all old songs. but they're both really good) and just about every single song by augustana. and rocket man by elton john. OH OH OH AND!!! i cannot forget, my very favorite song forever and ever right now, TUBTHUMPING BY CHUMBAWAMBA!!!!!! (rae did you ever download it? ;p) it is a super strange song but it makes me SO happy. nothing else by chumbawamba is outstandingly good though which is quite disappointing but it's okay. =)

and that reminds me again, are you all reading any good books? I'm reading an abundance of katherines by john green right now, which is pretty interesting. i like it so far. john green also wrote looking for alaska which i liked a lot. i also finished feeling sorry for celia by jaclyn moriarty (average book too typical in my opinion) and i think i'm going to start a tree grows in brooklyn because so many people seemed to have liked it. ;) well if there are any more good books please tell me, because i'm going for 50 books again this year and i need a good list. :D thank you thank you thank you! hope you all had good weeks last week & a good tuesday today :D

TONS of love,
GEENA

spice up yo' life! SPICEGRLZ :D

hey guys!

okay so i made it my new year's resolution to redecorate my room! literally entirely the way i want it, just like burger king's HAVE IT YOUR WAY :) i'm hoping for this huuge ugly secretary desk that my dad ordered for me to be moved out, BRIGHT ceiling lights (i cant stand dim rooms yet i have one :/), more squishy pillows hahha, more stuff to fill up my walls, and accessories hanging from the ceiling!! :P yayyyyy can't waaait.

BEST NEWS EVER: I'M GOING BACK TO GYM TOMORROW!! after two months of health (std's, family issues, affection + attraction, RESPONSIBLE WAYS TO DATE OH GOD THEY MUST THINK WE'RE LIKE SIX, cpr, teen pregnancy.....), i'm so excited to be out playing dodgeball or soccer or whatever! :)

lol to all those who commented i added stuff to my post cause i totally forgot i had something else to say! m.e. and cherry, i love your ideas on going to woodbridge because that is one of my favorite malls of alll time ;) plus all six of us can go which would be great!

electives! iuno how ur schools do it, but my school gives us a choice of regular or honors classes in math, english, world language, social studies, and biology (science) and then two electives like fun classes like shop or culinary arts! i dont know what to take... i have band and choir lined up but band has never been my favorite. haha actually i dont know anyone who really likes band. anyyyway what are u guys taking for high school? or are taking right now in angie and emily h's case?

and please listen to these songs :P they are very good. the people in the bands are so freaking talented. and they all make me.... happy/high/smiley. <-- choose your favorite :D (speaking of bands i reeallly want to start one! anyone interested? lol we'd be the only band that goes statewide cause we're all spread over the US. goo camp!) here weeee go:

1. the great escape, five minutes to midnight; boys like girls
2. live like we're alive; nevertheless (gotta listen to the whole thing. first minute isnt that good)
3. SPICE UP YOUR LIFE; SPICEGIRLS hahah didnt u wonder why i had it in my title?? la la la lalalala lala laaaa all u need is positivity!!
4. monster, indiana; meg & dia (both songs are amazing, dia's voice is just powerful)
5. my generation; starfield
   
   

yuuuck and i'm sick. nothing major though thank god, just a cold. but my hands are freeezing these days and ive been wearing my down coat IN the house! crazy huh? :P but i'm mostly all better but my voice has dropped like a notch or so :)

too much about me... whats up with you guys?

love rachel! <3

wowwww

remember when we had to write about our towns at camp and I told all you guys that my town is like all goody goody good with no racism nd everything??
Well , I moved this year and now im talking to one of my friends from EB and shes telling me about how everyone's turning emo(like literally cutting themselves).
Then there's like 5 ppl that got caught with drugs nd 4 of them were ppl i actually knew, which is sad...
this 9th grader got caught selling pot to some ppl i know nd they were both suspended for like forever nd the 9th grader got kicked out nd goes to another school now
nd i heard that this girl got run over by a truck but magically shes all better...hmm
yea...my once perfect town is not that perfect nemore...

invite

Can someone invite me again? I changed to beta, but now I can't comment. Thanks!! :0

Tommorow

Grades close for term two tommorow and since my math teacher, Mrs. Tuffy, decided that we weren't ready for another quiz before grades close I either have a B+ or an A-. Both of which my parents won't be happy with, but considering how close I came to getting a C this term in math it will be a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.

I'm a little worried about French again because I don't talk enough in her class and that usually brings my grade down a little bit each term. I've been speaking and contributing a little more often lately and I think that she's noticed, hopefully that will translate into a better grade.

Tommorow is also supposed to get as low as 7 degrees. Everyone is hoping that school is going to be cancelled if it drops below 0 degrees. I want that to happen, but I don't know if it's that likely and if I do have school tommorow I'll have study hall second to last, where hopefully I can finish all of my homework because after study I have science and the science teacher gives weekly homework that I finished today.

Weird

The snow was acting funny today. It actually snowed again, and when I looked out the window, the snow was huge (but none of it was sticking). It kept slowing down and speeding up again, and it was falling from everywhere. At one time, it even started sparking and looking like it was swirling around. My teacher said it kind of looked like we were inside of a snow globe.

I don't have anything interesting to say besides that...

So, what am I thinking?

Well, I read the last few posts and it seems everyone is: RAY RAY RAY.

Just want everyone to know that:
I'm totally over it now.

This is something that happened over 6 months ago. Do you seriously expect someone to hold a grudge for half a year? We're talking about an issue that happened in SUMMER CAMP, that lasted 3 WEEKS.

I don't have a grudge. I'm over it, and I just see raymond as a normal guy.

Everyone should just get over it and move on.

all we need is some ice cream and a hug

hiii guys. a bunch of things, first of all i am sorry raymond and i am sorry everyone else for losing my mind and everything. no excuses or anything but i have been a jerk lately and i honestly cannot wait for january to end. soo anyway i am back! =) there is a drawing contest at albert's drawing place and my mom signed me up like 3 months ago and i just remembered today that it's due this sunday, so i drew a picture and it is of all of you!! (the theme is: "my most memorable.... {anything}") at first i was thinking of my most memorable birthday party / halloween / new shoes / vacation or something but they aren't big enough to spend time drawing so instead i drew "my most memorable summer" :D

it is not the greatest ever but i think it is quite cute. even though i really abused the :D face and my huge noses that take up over half of everyone's faces. ;) here i want you all to look:

>> CLICK & THEN ZOOM IN :)<<

can you tell who everyone is?? with some it's not as obvious as others and some things are reeeally messed up (such as sarah reading the book, she looks like she's fallen through the air and is falling through the grass too) oh well i'm not working on it anymore. i spent pretty much the whole night drawing and well, wouldn't you know i didn't do any homework. wait actually i have no homework!!!!! yay!

well anyway with everything else things are kind of bad. well i don't know. i just don't feel good very much and just on monday or something like that my friend was like "geena! are you okay? i have never ever seen you be so mean like this before! or like not mean, but so annoyed!" and then i was surprised but it is true. i just do not like school this year and every day i feel like it would be so easy to just skip school and go take the bus into boston instead. buut it is not going to happen so i am just killing time before march when i will get my acceptance / rejection letter from phillips. if i get in then the rest of the year will be amazing and breezy but if i don't (very probable i would say) then in short i am very very screwed. =/ hm otherwise i haven't really been talking much lately except for over the weekends when i am awake and get to see old friends!!!!!! yay i love weekends :D

anyway i whine too much (OOH! that reminds me, i learned this awesome comeback that you might probably already know but still it is awesome: if someone is whining you go, "do you want some cheese with that wine?" hahahahahahaha geddit??? ha) so i'll stop here. but i really muchly (is that a word?) do hope you are all doing super duper well. =) yay for your ears rae & cherry park you are not stupid. =) and i am also having a fun time picturing amita being a reindeer. LOL okay much love!!!! =)

geena

GOT MY EARS PIERCED!

on sunday :) oh & not my second hole or cartilage, my very FIRST piercing. it wasnt as bad as i pictured it to be, but it was a bit worse than people described it ("oh my gosh it doesnt hurt at ALL"). haha but i guess i wasnt sure what to expect. my mom and i went into claire's and she filled out the forms. i sat in the chair (it was like.... walking around with no shoes on! EVERYONE could see you from the outside and inside). i was so nervous! the piercing lady told me it wouldnt hurt either. but right before she pierced it, there was like a small pinch then a biig pinch. and afterwards i felt so accomplished :) FINALLY got my ears pierced! and on monday, i told like everyone. i guess i look like the type to already have pierced ears, and people were like "omigosh that's awesome... wait u didnt have your ears pierced before?" i was like..... cringe-laughing. aha.

oh and on saturday, me emily raymond and scott had our mini-reunion at bridgewater commons mall! it was really fun and not as awkward as i thought it would be. except near the end, these retarded bully guys with no friends / lives harrassed us. but according to ray, scott's height scared them off :) anyway overall it was fun and we should do it again in like late spring!

i have soo much homework so talk to you alllllllater :) loooooove, rachel! <3

Essayists are Cooler

omgomgomg
i took my Bergen Academy entrance exam yesterday and can u guys like pray for me...whoevers christian...that i will get in

anyway Bergen Academys like this high school for the ppl who live in bergen county, New Jersey
supposed to be for super smart ppl like nerds like seriously like half of the ppl that go there already went to the cty camp nd the ppl trying out this yr with me half went to the cty camp too...
...nd like i dont think ill get in cuz im stupid
so plz plz plz pray for me cuz im so nervous

Cherry

IT SNOWED!!!! OMGOMGOMG

It snowed in Tucson.

Omg, it was soo pretty. Actually when it started i was sitting on my toilet seat (with the COVER DOWN) and painting my nails. I know, I'm cool. And then my brother was all like, its snowing. ..

And i like jumped up and managed to spill this nail polish remover all over my pajama pants. but i was all like "wtf" and ran outside and it was sooo pretty. Snow makes cacti look sexy like you would not believe. The snow like was like this soft layering on everything. It just covered up all of our lawn chairs and our Cacti Water Fountain. (Its like this fake cacti that spouts out water.)

And then, when i came back inside, I spilled my nail polish all over the toilet. And it was all red. Aaack. It took me a while to clean it all up. And now i have like the shittiest manicure in the world.



omgomgomgomgomgits so cool!!!! hahahaahahahaahahaha


sorry i am on like a snow high. lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallallalalalal





well....um ttaaaattttaaafornow.


p.s. Unfortunately my parents are not on the same snow high as me. My mom just told me not to act like a lunatic. AS i just got up and was pretending to be a reindeer and singing the Winter Wonderland song.



Oh great, my dad just said,

"Amita, you need to stop acting weird or it will become a habit"


yeah, like i'm weird or anything.

Mattress!!!

Hey everyone!!!

Omigod!!!! Did I tell you guys about the show I'm in with my theater group this year? I can't remember. Anyways, we're putting on the show "Once Upon a Mattress" and performances start on Monday!!! It's like a funnier version of "The Princess and the Pea." I don't have that big of a part, but I'm in a lot of dance numbers so I'm pretty happy. Not to mention the fact that my dress is GORGEOUS!!!!! It's floor length with a burgandy and latte-ish colored tapestry with burgandy velvet down the front. I wish I could post a picture of it.

So since the show is next week (shows for school trips on Monday and Thursday and a public show on Friday) I am in the middle of the rehearsal schedule from hell right now. On Tuesday and Wednesday I had rehearsal from 4-9 p.m. Thursday they just had the other cast come (we double cast the shows so we don't have to miss as much school) so I went to dance from 4:30- 7 and then came home and did a project for religion class (write a story utilizing the Catholic Church's moral decision making process) that I finished at 1:00 a.m. Friday I had rehearsal with just my cast from 4-9 again and we did two complete run throughs with costumes and stuff. Today I have rehearsal with sound and lights from 2-7 and tomorrow from 4-9 and then Monday is show time!!!!! I know it kind of sounds like I'm complaining, but this is my favorite part of the entire rehearsal process. I'm so happy!!! The theater's amazing, I have a ton of dancing, and the show itself is HYSTERICAL!!!!! So many funny bits.

In other dancing news, in my normal dance class we have awesome choreography for both lyrical and jazz. Lyrical we're doing it to "The Phantom of the Opera" and the costumes that we picked out have these arm things that look sort of like wings but different and we have all of this coolness arm stuff in the dance. And for the jazz we're doing it to "Get Up" by Ciara and we just changed the song from something different and it's really fast but it is SO HOT and looks amazing and there's gonna be all of this freestyle stuff and it's going to be AWESOME!!!

Anyways, I should probably get ready for rehearsal now. And I think the previous post (number 400) was the only hundred post not written by Geena.

M.E.

let it go! thank you scott

you guys if you think about it really, we're being silly. i mean we could probably think of a million arguments on how much raymond changed but how is it going to help whats going on now? and even if we call him names and be all "oh my gosh your so fake poser loser etc" ...really. why does it matter? it's not going to make him stay on the blog. it might drive him away from it. but its definitely not solving anything at all if either one happens. he will just think of other stuff to contradict it and we're getting nowhere :) i think all of us are right. people make mistakes. its life! sometimes it's really hard to forgive and move on/forget but come on we spent 3 wks with each other and it meant so much! we're still blogging and its been more than 6 months like angie said. we can forget it all and put that part of the past behind us. + i was didnt want to bring up the issue again but i just thought it was stupid and i hope the posts arent about this whole thing again. let's just forget it okay?

anyway today was great. the first snowday of the school year! it snowed from 6 to 7 am + it was like a centimeter but still it counts :) i actually had no clue at all! i woke up and when i went outside it was like WINTER WONDERLAND!! i was so excited i started dancing around and messing it up lol even tho i hate ruining a pure snowfall. like when it just snows and everything's perfect :) then the next day there are so many footprints and slush and tire tracks :/ wow i think i just discovered a pet peeve of mine.

oh one more thing.. our school is doing high school musical for the all-school musical this year! hsm is okay but its just so CHEESY. nothing is sad in it and its just so DISNEY u know? and this fat and weird kid named rahul (i feel kinda bad for him cause no one really likes him) is trying out for sharpay ahahah (fyi sharpay's a girl, rahul's a guy....yeah sort of self explanatory). over 300 people are trying out :o before i thought it'd be really easy to get it cause there's only 7th & 8th grade this year (last year it was 6-7-8) but now i'm not so sure. but i think it'll be so much fun if i make it! haha i can totally see myself singing to the status quo song or WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! clapclap with a big happy smile lmao.....just......no.

hm so whatsup with you guys anything new? and as usual lol anyone have songs recommends? i love getting new songs so yea just cmnt this post. OML I JUST REMEMBERED I'M TAKING THE SATS ON JAN 27!! dayyyyum only a week from now before it seemed like i had so much time! =/ i think i have ADD by the way.... is anyone else taking it anytime soon? well good luck to them... and me... and everyone else! pray to god we pass :) okay so talk to you all later! <3 rachel

Drop It

All of you guys, just drop it. Ray, it's not you against the rest of us. Everyone else, it's not Ray dumping us and taking us back, treating us like things.

Can we all just SHUT UP about it? FOR GOOD? Ray, everyone here would like to see you be a regular on this blog, post normally and comment like everyone does. What no one wants to see is someone constantly bring back an old argument. And I don't like seeing other people keeping that old argument alive. We're never going to work out the past. It's too subjective and confusing.

The past is still there. Stop arguing about it, all of you. And Ray, drop it. We'd welcome seeing you post if it was less about this ongoing argument. And by the way, the arguments we had were just retarded. Absolutely pointless like roommates can fight at times, and I have no idea what the hell they're about anymore. Just drop it, okay? Some arguments are worth forgetting.

...

okay since i still cannot comment, i have to make a separate post again.

BUT, raymond you are seriously making me MAD. whatever happened to you, the more sensitive and fun and NICE guy. you are so keen on impressing everyone that apparently you need an excuse for everything you ever did at cty (which might i mention was OVER SIX MONTHS AGO) that people might not have liked! and of course you would want to clear up misunderstandings but you don't have to be so condescending about it. frankly i am sick of you posting just to bring up more and more dramas and your post DID NOT REDEEM YOU AT ALL IN MY EYES. plus what is the point of you still being here if you are obviously holding a bit of a grudge? ('i don't think i have yet a reason to apologize to the rest of you yet...")

you are being a self-centered drama queen. seriously, try and explain everything you want but you are making a stupid soap opera production out of all this silly crap. it is like you are asking for people to get in arguments with you. all your posts lately have just been about you. about you and why you left and how stupid we are being and what bad judgment we all have. well i am getting fed up with your attitude and you trying to make excuses for everything and always needing to be right and continually looking down on us like we are taking everything the wrong way.

and i have more things to say blahdiblah such as how you don't think you're a poser (HELLO? HOW MANY TIMES WERE YOU CALLED A POSER AT CTY EVEN?? let me tell you that i have never EVER thought of you as "just raymond" or you "being yourself," you changed & tried SO hard to be cool so much that EVERYONE in our class probably called you a fake at least once. i guess you don't remember though. or what about even now? you never used to be so cold and subtly mean, yet apparently you have always been like this. you have always been "just raymond"! ) but whatever raymond. "I AM THINKING TOO MUCH," yes that must be it.

well the point is i am sick to death of your contradictory posts about yourself. they are STUPID (you see we are arguing about SUMMER CAMP. PATHETIC!) and they are upsetting me and they are probably upsetting others too. and you know why? because you are being selfish and attitudinal and you never used to treat us like this. so if i read one more post like this from you then YOU WILL BE TRYING TO PULL BOTH OF MY HUGE BOOTS OUT OF YOUR GIRLY LITTLE ASS IN LESS THAN A SECOND.

i don't know if i can speak for everyone here but you have hurt me and i would really like to see this whole thing just get over with, and if you are still unsettled about some other "misunderstanding" on your part then just KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. personally i am going to say that either you stop acting so arrogant and convinced that you are right and we are unreasonable, or you just leave for good. i am sick of getting all wound up and furious over you now, and i know angie asked for you to stay but you are so utterly stubborn that i cannot really see you apologizing for anything or being sincere at all anymore. IF you actually decide to put it all behind you then sure, but i know you don't like me anymore and i don't know if you seriously think anyone here is worth your time at all; so what is the point of you staying?

well i am going to have to say i am done. and i can already guess that you will be posting again: "what is wrong with you guys? seriously, what did i EVER REALLY DO? you're overreacting! you're being irrational! you're taking everything too far! you MISUNDERSTOOD ME!" and on and on and on. well say what you want raymond if you're just going to keep on persisting with this same STUPID argument then i'm not going to listen to you at all.

geena

Wow we're pretty cool

Ok I'm supposed to be reading but after I went off on my journalist rampage I realized something while reading Scotts post the one with advice for Rae... Well guys we're amazing. We're never going to see each other again. Period. But we've managed to get by on this blog from memories and friendships we've constructed in 3 weeks! And it's been what? Like MONTHS! So I'd like to point out that even if you guys see each other in the same site, don't feel obligated to hang with only each other. I mean, CTY in Lancaster or wherever will offer alot new friends too. And as much as I hate to admit it, I won't see you guys ever again besides some luck and well, I'm ok with it. Whenever this blog dies it'll be because of time not because we're tired of each other. And when that happens we're going to have so many sweet memories. And I hope that doesn't happen for a long long time. Cause we're pretty cool like that.

Take a hint Sparky? I hope you become a regular on the blog with happy stuff not shit dragged up from the past again. We could use another member.

Overrated...

Is it just me or do you now see elementry schoolers with Uggs, iPods, and cellphones? My friends little sister (a THIRD grader) now has a closet full of designer handbags, an iPod, a cell, and her wardrobe consists of Abecrombie and Lacoste. Ok when I was that age, I thought Dolce and Gabbana was a candy. So here's the chain reaction. It used to be in middle school you find all the "fashion" I guess and start what the little kids are starting today. But now middle schoolers (NOT REFERRING TO YOU GUYS) are bored. There is nothing to discover. So what do they discover? Guys and beer!
I'm sorry I think alchohol is really overrated. Just becase you take one sip of beer DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE TRASHED. And just because you are drunk, it does not allow you to be a slut. Let's get that through some stupid middle schoolers heads... One sip of beer NOT EQUAL to drunk. Drunkness is NOT EQUAL to sluttiness.
I'm actually still friends with some middle schoolers in my school. It was to my shock when one of them came up to me during my free period and started interrogating me where there was a party so they could come and drink "and hook up with some hot guys"
What is taking over America?? Is it REALLY that intriguing for middle schoolers to have a "bad ass" image involving hooking up with guys and drinking?? Guys feel free to comment with your own personal thoughts. I seriously won't judge you. But seriously why is it cool for you guys?
**Mostly directed for girls but could be taken in a guys perspective too...
***Guys I really didn't mean to like attack all middle schoolers, if you sort of understand why this is happening and perhaps have taken part of some of this it's really not that big of a deal... It's just some are obnoxious to the point of shit <333333333

hey guys what courses are you trying to get into and what sites?
im filling out my form rite now and i rly wanna know.
Also can one of u guys send me an invite thingy again cuz i cant remember my friggin pass or my username
thanx
~Cherry~

Before they fade...

You know you attended CTY LOUDENVILLE 2006 if...
... if you secretly loved the lanyard with the offical card with your name on it and everything
... if you went home with a sudden obsession with laying on grass
... if you go home and tell every about the "Res Quad" and "TAs" and "RAs" and have everyone not follow you
... if your diet at camp consisted of those Black and White cookie/cakes that were DELICIOUS
... if you ever wonder why you don't have a couch in YOUR bathroom
... if you let your camp friends sing and dance about asparaguses without questions
... if you remember laughing about the fact that there were only 4 guys in your class (<33 to Scotty, Kingston, raymond, and john)
... if you've ever missed having your friends clothes all over your room (directed towards M.E.)
... if you've jumped into bed for fear of flying frisbees
... if you've collected Dasani water bottles
... if you think German commercials for malls are worth watching more than 1000 times (KINGSTON!)
... if you had a soccer ball that all your friends signed but faded so you had to trace it in again (Uh Emily Chen Duh)
... if you had people think Arizona was the coolest place ever because you're from there (AMYY)
... if you've confirmed the fact that you are very ugly after you cry in the girls bathroom
... if you got used to having mints in the bathroom
... if you were tempted to go hug the cleaning lady that killed the nasty monster growing in your toilet
... if you were ever put on the list that threatened to take away 5 minutes of your Free time :O
... if you laughed at Angie sneeze
... if whenever someone says the name Geena you hear a crazy laugh followed by a nasaly voice saying "Timothy" or "Cabbages!"
... if you have died in a nursing home
... if you've robbed a bank
... if you have seen but not quite understood the love for Dungeons and Dragons
... if you've ever worn a bathing suit just to go run in the rain but never really got around to doing it
... if you've woken up your roommate while singing 1000 Miles with other knuckleheads
... if you've woken up after a dance with your toes hurting and major raccon eyes
... if you've never really woken up after a dance/sleepover
... if you get made for Chevy for using American Pie as their theme song... I mean it's totally ours and we called it first!
... if whenever you hear Sandstorm you see Chris, Kunal, little blond kid, and Peter dancing the waltz
... if you somewhat took belly dancing classes
... if you've gotten a letter or care packaged from Essie
... if you've ever recorded your laughing (HYE!)
... if your writing was just as sassy and full of personality as you are (SARAH)
... if you've ever dressed as a ninja and created weapons to go with it too!
... if you think cross dressing is absolutely normal "What are you talking about? Guys wear bras!"
... if the bookstore was the resource of good candy!
... if you did not get a tan in those 3 weeks
... if you still own that yellow yearbook thingy
... if you had no amount of homesickness whatsoever after the first couple of days
... if you couldn't wait to see the crazy activity list for the next day
... if you've gotten used to flashes by the end of the last 3 days
... if you've written what you thought were horrible essays only to get really intelligent feedback from non-nerds
... if you've ever started out a sentence to your friends at home with... "My CTY friends..."
... IF YOUR FRIENDS AT HOME LAUGH AT YOU FOR ATTENDING NERD CAMP AND YOU LAUGH AT THEM FOR NEVER BEING ABLE TO EXPERIENCE THE BEST 3 WEEKS OF THEIR LIFE WITH... M.E., KINGSTON, RAE, SPARKY, HELENA, EMILY H, EMILY C, AMITA, CHERRY, HYE, ANGIE, SARAH, GEENA, KAELA, SCOTTY, JOHN

I need to finish HW... feel free to add more!!

What's on my Mind

The Eagles are out and so are the Ravens, there's the possiblility that Manning might play the Pats for the AFC championship game, which would be really cool especially since Manning came to New England and beat them this season. But the Patriots still have to beat the San Diego Chargers today, which I'm going to watch after I'm done with this. The Chargers have supposedly the best running back in football and the Patriots are virtually unstoppable in the playoffs.

For those of you who know nothing about football or just don't care, I finally got around to seeing Pirates of the Carribean 2. I didn't exactly finish yet because it's riduculously long, but so far it's pretty good. I'm up until Elizabeth confronts Jack to find Will. I don't know how much is left, but I'm going to finish it tonight. Good thing Monday is a holiday. And kudos to Martin Luther King Jr. for all he's done.

Hm...Emily's right...

Well, I've altogether stopped hoping everyone's coming back together this summer, and I'm cool with that. It makes going to this blog easier, actually, since I don't have to deny this isn't the real thing anymore. Anyway, I'm awful at advice, but Rae...look, everyone has a bad marking period, maybe a bad year. A friend of mine is going through his. I went through mine in 6th Grade (nearly failed science...). There's the possibility of asking for extra credit, but...

The best way, from what I know, is just to do the work. All of it, and pay attention in class, but in a relaxed manner. Stress can block learning sometimes. Just by paying attention in class I stopped getting C's in Math. Maybe ask your friends to check your work when possible or help you study. That's what I had to do for my friend.

Everything will work out in the end. Major stress ruins learning. Grades are important, but this is 8th Grade, Rae, live it out. And as for this marking period...who knows. Stereotype Asian parents are horrible, but it's not as bad as it can seem. My friend showed his stereotype dad his C in Math, and his dad got mad, but helps him out. He's getting better. My parents offer help to me now. There's the stereotype who isn't as bad as you think...and, well, I think most people have it lucky. I feel sorry for my friend. His mom is horrible (he feels more pressure at home then if he got six F's in school).

If you're not happy about your grades, take pride in having the guts to show your parents. And do better next marking period, ask your friends to help, even your parents if possible. You just can recognize signs now.

On a lighter note, I'm confused on where to go in CTY. My mom wants me to do biology, my dad doesn't really care though I can tell he'd rather me do science or math, and I have no clue, except that I want to do another writing course (another thing I'm confused about; I sort of want to be a writer, an author, when I'm older. I don't like to show that many people my writing, though...). But which one...

And I can't pick a location. Loudonville, even though I know it's not going to be reliving glory, Lancaster, Saratoga...one of the three. And sometimes I don't want to go to CTY. Don't want this fun and fall cycle. Maybe I'll be too spoiled by the awesomeness of last year to enjoy this year.

I think there's only a few things I'm sure of, now: my friends, the music I like (I'm now addicted to the Red Hot Chili Peppers), and that I'm a boy. This is a fun but confusing year.

funny line

I saw this Suite Life of Zack and Cody episode, and Z+C's mom was enemies with this highly successful dude who was hosting a beauty pageant at the Tipton. There was this lady who asked the mom if she would sing a duet with the dude. The dude was like, "Ugh.. when pigs fly!" and she put on a fake smile and was like, "You fly?" HAHAHAHAHAHA! That was hilarious! Does anyone else watch the show?

lalalala i love fleece =)

HELLOOO!!!!!!! ummmm a few things, i will just list them because i'm more organized that way. =)

1. rae: grades are tricky once you get nearer to the day the term ends.... umm what i usually do is ask the teachers for extra credit work that i can do. some teachers give it and some don't though, so... otherwise well. my friend in sixth grade desperately wanted to raise her B+ to an A- on a friday (the grades closed that afternoon) and she literally BEGGED the teacher forever and ever and she was about to cry (because her parents are really strict about that stuff) and she was all like "ohh god PLEASE i'll do ANYTHING" and the teacher kept saying no and stuff, but then when report cards came out it turns out the teacher really did raise her grade. =) because she is a nice teacher but doesn't show it. but, i am not saying you should do that because in my opinion it is absolutely pathetic. otherwise though, i don't really know. with grades it's never ever easy to pull them up a lot right when things are ending because the teachers just aren't as willing to help. try your best to get some extra work or something, and if not then i'm sorry. =(

2. anyway, i just have to say that I HATE MY SCHOOL THIS YEAR. dsfjalsfjwoerialkvjzxcfs;df last year was amazingly fun and laughy and stuff (i'm sure you all know this) but THIS YEAR, WOW, everyone is totally obsessed with either a. trying to be popular, or b. abercrombie, or c. a girl BECCA. it is totally ridiculous, like i'll start with becca. becca is rich and has nice clothes and stuff but she is NOT FUN to be with or FUNNY or even that nice to a lot of people. she is totally boring but everyone like idolizes her SO much, and she is like the number one thing to talk about at school. "oh god did you hear that BECCA didn't know how to answer the french test in french so she answered it in ENGLISH? lolololol wut a DITZ!! did you hear she flashed joe???? did you hear she ATE A SANDWICH??" geez i'm getting so sick of it. everyone in my grade is just.. becoming stupid. even some of my very good friends, so i've been pretty anti-social lately. i go to school and smile a lot but i try not to talk to the people in my classes because their conversations make me want to rip their hair out, and then i walk everywhere alone and visit all my old teachers and talk to them instead and when i get home i do fun things with albert. what a loser i have become. well that's all i'll say about that, but i am more determined than ever ever ever to make it into that private school.

3. i was thinking for some time, why a private school? couldn't i have a good high school experience without spending x amount of dollars? (x is quite expensive) plus a BOARDING school, i am too young and it's a bit unnecessary etc etc etc. BUT yesterday and today i decided, NO i would definitely not have a good high school experience in bedford at least. and we're most likely not moving so what else can i do. i'm not staying here no matter what, if i can help it. (not to sound snobby though)

4. during april vacation this year my chinese school is bringing a group to the countryside in china where there are reeeally poor schools and people, and they're planning to fund-raise for them and donate as much money as they can. 20 students from that countryside mailed us letters, each of them telling about their current living conditions & situations and stuff, and it is really sad. there is a pattern, all of them go like this:

"hello my name is ___ i'm 14/15/16 years old, my mom died when i was 4 and my dad left for the city to try and make money for us. my sister/brother also dropped out of school to go to work to make money for us. living here is extremely hard and pressured and sometimes i feel like dropping out too. however when we found out about your possible donations our hearts were lifted and we appreciate it very very very much....... etc"

and they all have more details and stuff but seriously, every person is in that basic situation. it makes me sad but i definitely want to help, so i am either going to help with the fund-raising and go on the trip or i'll donate a lot. =)

5. for my application it says to list the things i like to do in my free time. that's the only thing i have left to fill out, and i'm in the middle of my 4th thing i like to do, and the whole thing is already one and a half pages long, haha. :P my english teacher says i ramble on and on. it is true but i seriously can't help it at all. it's hard. :P so i've typed enough, hope you all have a good weekend & MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY!!! i love martin luther king, he is one of my favorite people. :D so woohoo 4-day weekend for me. love you all. :D

~geena

aaaah i feel awful

i am SO sorry about my previous complaining on sats and homework the other day. i honestly can't stress that enough. n i hate to do it again but today is totally falling apart ....along with my grades. first marking pd i was doing great. but now uh no and i only have 2 wks to bring up my grades in lal + band! i got a C+ on my research paper in lal, which wasnt perfect but i thought it was good enough. plus i missed my lessons today n i'm averaging c-range in band. i almost had a breakdown today in the bathroom. i can't stand having perfectionist asian parents and being friends with perfect stereotyped A+ asian friends. and i doubt i'll ever make honors :( anyone have tips on how to bring up grades besides doing hw and sucking up?

anyway i feel so bad being so negative and whiny on the blog. so lets see. uhh i have a band concert tonight? oh yea plus yesterday we were supposed to bring in a song that we could relate to or just loved for a good reason for lal (don't ask no clue why). while my song, which was all about MIRACLES, was playing, it started SNOWING!!! just so u know we havent gotten ANY snow. just one little teeny snowfall back in the end of december for seriously 10 mins. so basically... the snow was a miracle! it was incredible! the music and the snow and everything... but it lasted like only 15 mins tehe. oh well.

ehh i just finished the truth about forever by sarah dessen. that is such an amazing book. simply amazing. i love it and i'm obsessed with her writing now. if you haven't read it, read it! u'll love it. oh and did i mention that book was supposed to be my irb for lal and i already finished it! 2 wks early haha i'm just smart like that. so yeah i'll go find another book ....................... the memory keeper's daughter. looks long and boring but at least i wont read ahead too much.

k looking at my post right now it looks looong but i bet i'll open the blog and compared to geena's .... it will be like a sentence :) ah and way sorry about all the negativity but i would appreciate tips. thanks guys and much love <3

Tis the season...

... for registration!!! I was just looking on the CTY website and it said course registration started on January 3rd!!!! They start assigning courses on January 25th and you get your course within a week. And then they reassign every Thursday after that. WHO'S GOING!?!?! WHAT SITE ARE YOU GOING TO!?!?! I want to take the Critical Essay Pop Culture Course but they don't have it at Siena, so I might be going to Dickinson College or something instead. I don't know. And I've only been looking online. I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY CATALOG IN THE MAIL!!! Has anyone else gotten theirs? I've said it once I'll say it again. Curse the crappy Staten Island postal service.

M.E.

...

actually i don't think we should be limited to what we type on the blog. if someone's feeling sentimental then why shouldn't they post about it? if that's just something you don't want to read about then you don't have to. =) but i don't think we should be constricted to only talk about real life and serious things. i mean if every post was serious then we would never have had angie's amazing frog story! :P lol. i don't know, i don't think we're actually going on a "cty tangent," there will probably always be some reflective posts but it's not like the whole blog is going to turn into a "OMG REMEMBER WHEN..?"-fest. =) so like, i think i get what you're saying emily but i personally don't think that people should not be allowed to talk about cty, or pretty much i don't think people should be not allowed to talk about anything. =)

anyway, yesterday it was raining here and i decided to walk to school in the morning (before i actually knew it was raining of course) so i went out really early and it was pitch black out and it was raining. so i was like, okay this isn't a smart idea. but i figured i woke up super early and was already outside so what else could i do. so i walked to school for like 45 minutes and when i got there my hair was totally soaked, and it looked terrible so i started drying it with paper towels but that didn't work, so i went to the nurse's office and asked her if she had a blow dryer. I thought it was going to be a longshot that she had one, and i thought she'd just be like "ummmm WHAT? you are a weird kid" but SHE HAD ONE!! so i blow-dried my hair in the nurse's office for the homeroom period. :P lol. it is a lot of fun walking in the rain though, it feels nice. i never liked rain before but now i think i do. =) well i think it was partly because i was wearing my super old sneakers that i don't really care about so i could jump in the puddles and stuff. =) good day. but!! it was 72 degrees on saturday! and this week it's pretty much been a steady 50 degree week. statistically at this time of year it is supposed to be 23 degrees, so we've doubled & tripled that. it worries me and i miss the snow. =/

otherwise things are good and i'm working on finishing private school apps. :D can't wait til i mail them because then everything will be so much less stressful and i can have a social life again. :P hope you've all been having good weeks.

much love,
geena

BLOG!

I can't believe everyone is getting all emotional about CTY and stuff...cuz I really don't think it's that much of a deal. At my first CTY, after a few months everyone just stopped talking to each other. I mean, it's not like everyone checked up with each other every single day and wrote a blog.

Maybe everyone is just sad about this because this is the first CTY; but when you guys go to second CTY- when you guys are freshman, you will probably be alot busier, and wont have much time to write and check a blog everyday.

Every relationship ends with time. You have to understand, that without talking to each other, or daily interaction- this is just a computer screen. I wish CTY was everyday- like probably most of you do. However; reality sucks. That's the way life is.

The only way to save the blog is by writing things that actually make sense. Instead of hearing people whine about CTY, I wish I could hear some quality blogs. I don't really like opening my computer window to read the rants and drama about CTY slipping away or the next member to leave the blog.

I understand most of you guys are sad about foggy CTY memories and such- but just think of next year! Where you get to go to CTY again, and meet super cool people!

So pretty much, what I'm asking for is; better blogs that actually make sense instead of going off on some crazy CTY tangent.

Thanks.

P.S. I'm listing to some pretty kick arse music right now. >>

http://www.radioblogclub.com/fav/0/1298532/612118

What M.E. was saying

I think that we should have one of those HUGE chatrooms again because they were fun and everyone seems to be freaking out about not remembering. ANd we should make sure that eberyone knows. So, post a good time for the chat or whatever.

Rae's Profile

I was just looking at Rae's profile...

The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig:
Rae's answer: a frog with a wig?

I just started laughing hysterically, I know it's immature but that's funny so here's my story...
There was once a bald frog living in Eyr, in the State of York New. His name was Nagei. He was a fun frog and often hung out wiht other frogs but they weren't bald. He always felt like something was missing, even when having a party with other frogs. "Oh why can't I have some fricking hair?" He wished for hair. He prayed for some hair. He wanted to shave all the other frog's hair because then he wouldn't feel so different. He tried to strut around with no hair, and he was a naturally confident guy, so all the other frogs thought he was happy with no hair. They made fun of it but he shrugged it off. They would never guess that he would go to his frog home at night and be froggily depressed because of the jokes.
One summer, Nagei decided to go to a camp called YCT, (Young Capable Tadpoles) "Oh no, not the loser Frogs. Even if they have hair, they won't have any lives" Nagei was not excited. But the first day, he met amazing, brilliant frogs that knew how to have fun and party. It was almost like home but better! Nagei noted that they had hair. However, at night, he would talk with them, only to find that they had no hair! He pondered this. How could they have hair during the day and have no hair during the night? Was it magical? Like the wishes he had been wishing for so long?
So one day, he asked his frog roommate E.M that very question. E.M. stared at him for a second and then answer, "We have wigs! That's why we thought you were a good frog! Because you were proud and confident enough to go around without one!" Nagei was shocked. A simple wig. He never would have guessed it. But then he thought about the wise words E.M. had spoken in Frog Language. Then the 3 weeks passed, and Nagei never got a wig. Not even from the gift shop there was at the camp. Because he knew his friends from YCT would love him no matter what!
Even after crying after YCT ended, Nagei went home and never cried his froggy tears again. He kept in contact with his true friends and smiled with they sent him a wig with a note attached that said, "We hope you never wear a wig or a mask because we love you the way you are!"

**Sappy and cliche and retarded I know. But that was the best frog story with a moral I could come up with! Oh and um, I don't wear a wig and I don't have some inferior problem with myself! Oh ha and um props to all you frogs that I love!

Wow...

I was reading some of the posts from July and they were sort of strange! I was feeling so sad when I couldn't remember one of the inside jokes involving soccer or something :( No but the saddest thing was when I read Essie's and Christina's post (not plural) about us leaving CTY behind and us being all "introspective" and stuff... It was fun... but I got sort of emotional because we're never going to see them again. I used to imagine our CTY classroom and fields and cafeteria so clearly. Now it seems fuzzy! Mixing with what I've seen since then... And now it's just so depressing... Not be an old nanny or something but times are moving so fast!!

comment for rae

eck i'm sorry i have to keep posting to post comments. i think i know what the problem is though: cty cherubs needs to move its account to the "new version of blogger" according to the FAQ. i don't know the password and i don't even know how though so i guess it just has to be like this for now.

anyway, rae: i agree with angie, something kinda obvious and current like media things, but also if you want to do global warming that would be good to write about too. if you don't know about it, research it. umm i know stopglobalwarming.com (i think that's the site, it might be .net or .org) has a bunchload of information. you should also look up different weather statistics (for example i know that here in MA it was 68 degrees today, and the average temp. that it was supposed to be for this time of year was 23 degrees. also in different places in europe (mainly spain) many ski lodges have had to go out of business because there hasn't been any snow etc) i'm sure it'll be easy to find. once you read up more about it and actually find out what's going on you might form an opinion about it and actually get angry and write an amazing persuasive essay. :P good luck!!!

not my day :/

i told my parents i finished all my homework so i could go out last night. problem is, i didnt. and they expect me to finish sat prep and play clarinet today. plus i have to do all of my freaking homework which includes a take home math test, math wksheet, lal advice essay, science dittos, read irb, and oh no answer ss question. today's going to be a looong n boring day so i thought i'd post. eeeurkers.

BTW IMPORTANT PLEASE READ HELP ME. for lal we're supposed to find an idea for a persuasive essay; something we feel strongly about. i am AWFUL at persuasive essays. i honestly can NEVER think of anything i feel really strongly about. u guys prolly really care about something like saving animals or gas prices but none of those really appeal to me (+ i suck at debating yay another big plus :/). the only thing i can think of is i really hate when ppl lie but how am i suppoed to write something on that? i can see it now on the top of the paper: PEOPLE SHOULD NOT LIE. yaddayadda yadda and my thesis people should not lie because they are hurting the people around them and lying is terrible. ok thanku. UGHH! so i was thinking of doing global warming but thats not something i know a lot about either. but the warm weather is really scaring me tho. ANY IDEAS???

CTY talent show links on youtube

Since I commented four messy comments onto Geena's post (I deleted them) with links to CTY talent show performances on youtube, I reposted them here!! :) Props to Geena for reminding us ^.^

Sandstorm dancing, 4 guys:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQBe0MUh5eY&mode=related&search=

Sherry's Praeludium and Allegro:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6R5eSlhRwys

Baby Got Back (I don't remember this, but my sister does):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmk0TvuvSGQ

Sitting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AzCya50QCM

Here's a funny lip-sync one at a CTY talent show. It's not from Loudonville, but it's prett-ay funn-ay!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL0IUfrVr_0&mode=related&search=

OMG

plus i don't know if any of you have seen before but the cty talent show thing with the four guys dancing to "sandstorm" is on youtube, and so is the "extreme sitting" one where hi kept on laughing. i forget what the link is but you can just kinda search for cty 2006 talent show or something and you'll probably find it. it is very heartwarming to watch again. :D

HAHAHAHAHAHA IDEA!

hahaha ok so i still can't post comments so this is a comment for kaela:

.... KAKELA!!!!! it's like CAKE-la yes i know it's totally corny but i thought, if i can turn "geena" into "geekna" then kaela must be... *lightbulb over head* KAKELA! ha! ha! i am so funny. (not) :D anyway i like rae's idea with screen names and then i looked on the rhyme dictionary for you for "kayla" because they don't recognize "kaela," and the ONLY rhyme there that is actually real words instead of other names (like layla and michaela) is "capital of venezuela"! hahahahahaha

LOL i am such a help seriously.

anyway today was good for me. =) at lunch this kid was all like "omg i'm going to move next month to san diego" and he was SO serious like our whole huge long table believed him and we were all about to cry and stuff, even though i don't particularly like him b/c he's amazingly full of himself but he's such a personality that it would be totally weird if he moved. so, then right when lunch was ending he was like "HAH can't believe you guys fell for it!" and i got SO mad, because like what kind of a self-centered attention craving JERK would do something like that just to hear his friends be like "DON'T MOVE I'LL MISS YOU!!" so i dumped half of my water bottle on top of him. his hair was totally soaked and his sweater was kind of wet. except he's not mad at me because i think he knows he deserved it. still it was fun because after i dumped my water my friend dumped her apple juice on him. LOL. well that's all that really happened today i'll talk to you all later :D

love,
geena

ps kaela i was kidding about kakela. in case it sounded like i was serious :P

essay

hey everyone HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! :D i hope you all had a good night yesterday and have good resolutions and everything. i pulled an all-nighter last night and i'm starting to get tired but it doesn't matter because i'm not doing anything today. and the hives well, they're just starting so they're not super bad but i'm going to take claritins and zyrtecs and stuff and hopefully it'll be okay. =) but anyway that's not why i'm posting, i'm posting because i started and finished my admissions essay for the school i'm applying to and i wanted to post it because all of you always gave good feedback and stuff. and hello, "coolessayists"!! hehe. so the topics you could choose from were:

1. choose 3 people from history or popular literature that you would like to room with / have classes with here at andover and tell why
2. tell us about the most interesting thing you have learned in the past year
3. tell us a true story about someone close to you that you admire and tell us why you admire them

i had a hard time thinking of anything with any of the topics but yesterday of course i got hives everywhere and funnily enough that was what inspired me (topic 2 btw). :P so i'm so happy i got it over with because the hard part of the writing section is over now. :D well anyway, if any of you have time to read it please do and tell me everything you didn't like or suggestions or whatever. it would reeeeally help me, thank you!!!

Hives

The most interesting thing I have learned in the past year

Geena Chen

Today is December 31, the last day of year 2006, and I woke up with my right eye swollen shut and my body covered head to toe in angry red hives. Since this is not the first time that I have randomly woken up this way, my parents did not feel the need, like the last two times, to bring me to the emergency room. This has happened twice before, and I know now from the past two experiences that it is just a random outbreak of viral hives, and not an extreme allergic condition like everyone had thought before. That did not make me any less upset though. I had been looking forward to today for the past two weeks now. I was going to have a sleepover with my two friends, sure that we would have an amazing time doing crazy things and laughing and reflecting on the past year. But, this morning as I desperately tried prying my right eye open with my fingers and applied anti-itch cream to the largest hives on my body, I wondered whether it would still be appropriate to go out looking like I could go into anaphylactic shock at any moment. As I worried about what I would try to do about this however, I stopped myself. Of course I knew what I would do, it didn’t make sense worrying. I thought about the first time this had happened to me, just a year ago. That time had been reasonably traumatic, but I had learned probably the most winning and important lesson of this year in the end.

The first time I had a severe eruption of hives was last year, as Christmas break was coming to a close. It started out gradually, where at first I decided I had nothing to worry about and thought they’d go away in a day. However, when school started everything got much worse. When I woke up both my eyes would be swollen half shut, and scary, big red bumps were placed in unpredictable spots on my face, making me look like an overgrown chicken pox victim. I refused to go to school the first day it happened, and my mom took me to the doctor. Surprisingly, by the time we got to the hospital my face did not look half as scary as it did just a few minutes before. The doctor did not think it was very severe, so he just recommended for me to be careful about what I ate and told me to drink some liquid Benadryl.

I figured it would be okay, so I took Benadryl in the recommended doses. The Benadryl calmed the hives for only a day though. For the next week I begged my mom to take me to the doctor’s again. She set up an appointment, but while I was waiting for the appointment date to come I had to go to school. Every day I would wake up forty-five minutes earlier than I usually had to and try all kinds of hives treatments that I either looked up on the internet or made up by myself. I took oatmeal baths, did hot and cold compresses on the eyes, bought soothing lotions, and even tried just pinching my eyelids together violently to reduce the swelling when I got too frustrated. My treatments rarely did any good, and eventually I would always just have to catch the bus to go to school, feeling so self-conscious that I would’ve liked to rip my face off and then bury myself.

School was always awkward and awful for me during that period. The people who didn’t know me had no problem openly pointing at me and whispering to their friends in the hallways, and the people who kind of knew me clearly felt too embarrassed to ask me straight-out what was wrong. Then again, my teachers would always immediately demand quite rudely, “What the heck happened to your face!!” I did not like any of the above reactions, and I absolutely hated going to school, but I went anyway. During this time I had never appreciated my friends more, who always stood by me and walked me places so that it wouldn’t look as if everyone thought I was too scary and contagious to be around.

At my next visit to the doctor’s, the doctor saw my face in one of its worst conditions. He put me on a small dose of a steroid drug called Prednisone. The Prednisone worked extremely well, and my face was totally free of blemishes for two days. Unfortunately, once I had run out of the medicine I was back to the same original condition. Determinedly, my parents scheduled an appointment with both my pediatrician and my allergist. They also made me go to bed at or before 8:00 every night. At that point I was getting used to looking so malformed. Before I would get very discouraged when people would treat me differently because of my face, but then I realized it was silly getting worked up about it.

The hives on my body were my problem, and there was nothing I could do to make them go away. Although the whole situation was terrible for me, I knew that worse things could’ve happened. I thought of the things that were truly important to me, and I started feeling better about everything. My friends still cared about me and did not put so much weight into how I looked, my family was trying to help me, and in the end I could just look at coming to school as the ultimate test for my self-esteem.

After this insight, I came to school much happier and more carefree. With a newfound perspective, I figured that it would be silly for the strange looks, whispers, and pointing directed towards me by people I barely knew to bother me. Why should I care in the least whether or not a total stranger thinks I look good? The stranger is just that, a stranger. Someone who has no real significance in my life. Then, I remembered one of my favorite quotes in the world since I was very little:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind,” – Dr. Seuss.

Remembering these words of wisdom, I took into account that anyone who would be so quick to judge me probably wasn’t someone that I would be interested in getting to know anyway. It took another four weeks and another three useless doctors, but finally when I saw a real allergist, I got prescribed a much longer and stronger dosage of Prednisone. This time, the hives were gone for good. And because of this incident that happened one year ago, it really sunk in for me that I should always be myself, and the people that I really genuinely cared about would probably always accept me.

That is why I decided this morning, that despite my hideous looks, I would still go to the sleepover. I feel good, and I will be with my good friends. And really, it would be a shame if I had to pass the New Year alone and asleep by 8:00.

ps; for the most part things are true but i did exaggerate a bunch and i lied about when this happened (it was actually more than a year ago but who cares). is that a problem? like, does it sound like i'm trying to make myself out as someone who has a severe disease? i was thinking about that and i don't know, i wouldn't want that. eh whatever i'm nervous

talk to you all later!!! and thanks!! and happy new year!!! love,
geena