Keep it going on...

Look, we're all emotional one way or another by Raymond's last two posts, but it doesn't mean we have to stop blogging everything else.

Anyway, I feel like I need to write somewhere the crap in my life; you can comment if you want, but you don't have to. So, let's see...first of all, there's my C+ average in Algebra 2H, which is High School Math. I hate waking up every day that early, and I think that's part of why I'm doing so badly, but I don't mind, since I only need an 80 average or recommendation throughout the whole year to get into Geometry. But my dad is going to unload a pile of shit on me with all the crap he has to say, but you know what? I want to hear that. So I can fight back, for once. I'm tired of every month or so going to bed crying. It's not all his fault, and he'd doing nothing wrong. But even if he doesn't take my point, I hope he's going to actually listen to me for once.

And you know what? I feel nothing after going from a 95 to two 70's in my Math tests, which are all the grades I get. Because I got two 70's from trying to save my friend's ass in that class with helping him study all this crap. And because I was too sleepy to feel anything after any of the tests or when we got them back. Man, I'm a wreck now, and I don't have any days I can sleep in. High School Math on the weekdays, fencing Saturday morning, and Chinese School on Sunday. I'd drop Chinese School, but yeah right...

Then there's this shit with Raymond. Don't know why, but I'm not angry at him. Probably because I felt sort of like that in the time where I wasn't keeping in touch. Oh well. I only feel disappointed and kind of sad.

My friends. Two of them never know when to stop arguing with each other. One jokes about everything but can't take a joke about himself; he's a fucking hypocrite that doesn't care what he's doing if it doesn't affect his own life. I don't blame him. He and the other guy have worse parents than mine, that probably added to this. The other doesn't take anything seriously either, and you know what, it was only a little annoying last year, and now it's not annoying at all this year. Problem with him? He seems to like dragging me onto his side. Sometimes I'd like to knock both of them out, since I know I definitely could.

And I'm so confused about my feelings for Annie. Last year, I got rejected, and later learned out she USED to like me, around the same time I started liking her. Sucks for me, huh? That was last January. I still like her. I want to be friends or more if I could, I thought I had a much better chance after CTY making me a lot better person than I was before to even just be friends, and it's back to the quiet, moody guy that barely anyone really knows again for me. And I think I like her more than I ever did before. But just two weeks ago, I thought I got over her. And now I think I'm wrong. I don't know what I want. To just forget about her, to not forget but to get over her, just to be friends, ask her out, I don't know. And the first friend I was talking about before just doesn't get it. He sometimes forgets that the people around him have emotions. There's this kid, about Kingston's height, pretty cool, and he draws a series of pictures called, "_______'s Bad Day."

It's pretty fun, even when he draws something about me with Annie rejecting me. Just playful humor. But my friend, and I don't know why I still even call him my friend (it's not Wu, Rachel), showed it to Annie. He was bugging her about showing it, and she kind of ripped it up after Brant showed it to her. I don't know if that's out of getting mad (which is the only time I've ever seen her like that), or my hopes should be a bit higher now. And then the guy requests to the kid who draws the pictures to make an "Annie's Bad Day." I want to beat the living daylights out of him so bad.

I've been having a pretty crappy 8th Grade, which isn't made any better by how moody I naturally am. Middle School's been crap the past two years, and I thought this year I'd finally get something awesome. Came in kind of confident, too, thanks to CTY. And now I'm more emotional than before, feeling more stressed than before, and I'm absolute shit right now.

Just had to write that out.