a nerdy saturday!

hey! today i went to MIT (the college, not like a baseball mitt) for like a day of seminars and workshops and stuff. you register for classes for the whole day and take them, and usually the classes don't teach anything except to the geniuses in them who actually get the subject, but it's still a bunch of fun because if you do it with friends you get to do anything in your classes and meet a bunch of really interesting nerds. :D so i went and first class i took a lecture on global warming. then i had "mars colonization and how you can help!" which was canceled (YAY) because the teacher never showed up. so i got switched to a lecture on "SPACE WEAPONS" and i understood NOTHING. i was sitting in between these two high school guys who were both really into it, and in total there were probably over 100 people listening. so in the middle i literally fell asleep for three minutes and the guy next to me poked me really sharply and then i got mad. so i just got up and left the lecture, and when i left i accidentally knocked the powerpoint projector over a few feet and everyone was like "!!!!!!!!! oh my GOSH, WHAT are you DOING!" and i was like SORRY i don't really care and i put it back. but it was embarrassing because there were so many people, lol. then there was lunch and other junk. i ended up skipping my fourth class because my brain started to hurt and i sat in a booth with people for three hours. it was a bit awkward because this girl emily was there and we all have a bunch of history with her, like we were best friends and got into a fight, she was best friends with someone else and she ended up getting into a really bad fight with her too and i don't know. it was weird but it was okay.

that's not what i'm posting about though. i'm posting because.. i don't know! this year is just so plain sucky. i feel like i'm totally losing myself and i hate everyone. i am so angry with my friend (the whole email drama one from earlier) because i feel like she's pretty much stealing me or something. like that sounds weird, but she's just been copying me so much lately. she completely took my laugh, like one day out of the blue she just totally imitated it and she's been doing it ever since and i was just like "okayy that's very *RANDOM* hint hint" but she didn't get it. (surprise!) and she's just been copying me in every possible way. she tries really hard to have huge laughing fits at every existing thing in the world, which is really NOT cute at all like she thinks it is, and she takes everything i say and just repeats it to other people so it's like she has a really formulated opinion on everything and i am just so pissed off. because now it's like i feel like i act so moody in classes with her because whenever i'm in a class with her i'm just too mad to act fun and stuff. and i know i'm gonna sound super overdramatic but she's really spoiling everything for me this year. she ruined today in a way and she is ruining the school year because i know it would be 100 times better without her and she makes everything frustrating!

and i feel like i don't even know who i am anymore because i don't act like i used to, at least not always at school anymore. there's just certain things that keep me grounded. like you guys. when i'm talking to you i feel like i know exactly who i am because i liked myself that way and it's just natural for me to be like i always was. but at school everything's so different now, not to say i'm totally silent or anything, but it's hard to laugh and it's hard to be interested in other people now. when i am with my other friends and albert and when i'm alone i feel like i like myself, but other places i just feel like "what is happening to me?" i guess i'm just scared that by the end of this year i'll be really.. changed and distant because i can feel it starting to happen. i don't even know if i'm making sense but it's really bothering me and i wish more than anything that i could move away from here. it's pretty sad that one of the main reasons i want to move is actually because of my close friend but i feel like it's the only thing that would make me happy at this point. not only now because it's a pretty emo time period, but even when things are all awesome and i feel like i'm on top of the world i know i don't want to stay here in bedford. ahhh i don't know if you understand what i'm saying. i guess i'm just wondering, because this is one of the main problems right now; what should i do when someone's so obviously copying everything i say and do? it really genuinely makes me feel predatory but i don't want to point it out meanly or anything. i don't know. i want to go to sleep.

i love you all so much. really don't know what i'd do without you at times like these when i just need to rant somewhere, even if no one reads anything because they're all so long. but still, thanks so much, you don't even know. =)

good night,
geena